Here ..

Here

i published my " Hello ! " topic , actually it is just a welcome back for me sebenarnya la :3

Here is the real story that i'm about to share..

I don't really know and understand what is truly going on , okay lately i can't sleep well i keep thinking on things that i shouldn't . Before Final lagi wawa macam ni to be honest , people around me can see it , i believe they do because im not who i used to be anymore .. 

Wawa start jauhkan diri wawa dari orang yang wawa selalu rapat , wawa tak nak langsung jumpa anyone and literally i did that , wawa tak jumpa sesiapa pun kecuali orang yang wawa bebetul rapat macam Sol .. everywhere anywhere dengan dia je not only her but also other girls from aras 3 (Thank you for that girls) I know that i've changed but why? 

I want to know why too kalau boleh =')  but i dont . Tbh , i need help .. Like suddenly im afraid of eveything , not only everything but also everyone .. rasa macam nak sorok muka je dalam plastic bag kalau boleh , perasaan ni dia rasa macam kita tak cukup baik untuk semua orang also untuk diri sendiri pun .. Jadi dia macam asik fikir dan fikir terus fikir .. 

Im sorry for those who is hurting because of me , i need help too .. 

to be honest , im tired .. Im tired of this . I believe that some of us , they dont feel the same when theyre around you like you feel like she is something to you but she dont . Or maybe she feel something to you but you're not . anymore . like not like we used to be .

You know , someone told me before " you cannot lie to yourself that you fall for someone because of their's ... " but the more I take those words deep in me , i finally gets it . Sometimes you can lie to someone because of your own , it is a choice and you choose to hurt someone because of your feelings . Like to me i didn't take it too personally about feeling but we can not lie to ourselve that we do hide things , maybe not all of it but we do hide few things that we thought it will be alright if he or she doesn't know .
But the truth is ..?

here i am lying to myself for being honest on everything , people do believe that being honest is the best way but the truth is no one would take that pain ( which is knowing the truth ) .. NOT everyone can take the truth with calmness or maybe more to accept the fact that things change .

Im not lying to please myself , im lying for the best but you know .. lying is suck but that the only way to make everything fine .. I have been thru something that i dont even understand but because of your lie and i cant tell what im dealing with and it is sad because at the end me , listens to songs and all those songs for you guys , not for the one i love anymore ..

maybe it just me , the only girl on earth move around trying to sleep but she can't , so she checked on her phone , anyone that at least somebody she can tell bout her night thoughts to make herself calm . But there's no one .. literally no one i can get like at least one person to tell about what im dealing with ..

and now here i am , masih tertanya sama ada wawa still simpan rasa dengan benda lepas ? Atau sebab satu penipuan atau satu benda yang terbongkar buat diri ni rasa macam tawar hati ? Everyone deserves second chances wa .. but still please , im begging . please show it to me .. Im not that person who accept ' sorry ' and the next day things that already happened hilang macam tu je , i believe some of us too . Im not trying to show that Im innocent and never did anything wrong , but what im trying to show is we do something that we " ingat " okay untuk orang tu while its not , when things went worst some of us try to walk away and dont want to talk about it , while some of us they try to fix it but still our ego block our mistakes and blame on others .

im tired of it.

i've been lying around because im stuck with thoughts that i dont want it to happens but i can see that lagi kita senyap lagi semua hancur , to be honest we are not really being honest to each other anymore ..so here i wanted to say to you all my reader , sometimes you have to go and brave yourselve and tell her or he things that they need to know .. it may hurt u by hurting somebody for doing that towards them but at least it doesn't that hurt knowing it on their own and lost their's trust toward you ..

Trust is something you cannot play around , once you breaks it . TRUST me , it wont be the same anymore .. so please take a good care of it .. I've a new topics that i would to share with you guys .. thank you for reading all of this till the end , thank you .. 

x

wawa