I AM NOT HAPPY

 Happy 

Being happy the only hope and wish in everyone.

Being happy in what you do or what you have is amazing. 

However I do not understand the concept of being un-happy to work just because you at " work ".

Why is that ? Why would someone ruined their  9  hours for years just because they " at work " and does that is what it is ? 

" Work " , you must be serious and you must act like this, act like that. 

I understand we must take our tasks seriously. 

Same goes to school , why some school can bring joy and fun in learning while some giving pressure to student just to understand important things for their future ?

Same goes to collage , why some lecturer can be so friendly to their student and letting them understand better with fun in learning ? 

Again, my question why must work bring pressure to everyone ? 

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8th August 2021 

Today, I decided to blog as my life drained me so bad.. And as you can see the titled " I AM NOT HAPPY " lol,  trust me , I wrote all above including the title on  11th of July 2021..  Anyhow, Hello hai and assalammuailaikum everyone, thank you for clicking my blog today and checking up on me ! Trust me , I am 100% appreciate it..

As I opening my blog and saw my draft that I did, I can see how unhappy I am ... till today.. No doubt life does hit everyone hard at this moment.. No lies too, even myself .. a person who always take things positively is no longer in a good state of mind. 

I do not know does this feeling is only me or you felt the same too.. Everyday dealing with questions and worries in life do drag you into whole new world.. As I felt sorry to every soul who lost their dreams, hopes and even lives.

Looking back on 2019, I am not going to say that we are taking life for granted as no one knows what would come and cost right ? Everyone had their life in order, yes , some might struggling but there are  always a way out for everyone, either going out with your friends, having alone time at your hidden place and many more.. 

But now... Today, seeing your friends had to go for 2 jobs , seeing your friends blaming their self as unable to support their families at this current situations is painful to watch nor being in it..

I really hope those who still able to have normal life and surrounding.. Please please pleaseeee look around and you know, maybe say " hai ? Where have you been ? " might lift someone's day a bit..

I tried to recall why I wrote above as I can see that I might having moments with myself by that time.. First of all, I would like to explain that NO ONE in this whole wide world wanting or hoping for unhappiness.. 

But it is true , why must work bring pressure as we all understand that no one would ruined their positions as everyone have their own tasks and responsibility in their life. 

Having hopes and dreams in life does give you lights and energies to keep moving and fight for it, we cannot undo things or time .. Being strong is the only key of success in life.

One example I can give is that, being Happy did nothing wrong as you trying to change environment into a happier or colorful with your existence, yet, to me,  having doubt or trust issue is not a problem too, as some of us being extra careful for self -insurance, however that does not mean we should dim their light and their vibe right ?

Imagine someone telling you that you are playing with your work or efforts .. While "the best" is always everyone's goal in their life .. As proof to my point were those people who stayed and keep trying and trying after assumption again and again :) Does that considered as playing around too ?

To show you what I mean about life is that no one fooling around, for me if someone did, fooling around ? There must be a reason behind every untold stories.. We as human being at this generations, today, please be nice towards each and everyone.. Even if I have babies in the future, I wont let my children to have assumption or assume people's intentions in their life. As we all dealing with different type of insecurities.

At this point, I would like to share that I am having lots of question and doubt in my life .. Fear of being not good enough for my work together dealing with pandemic, sadness of faded dreams and goals.. and many more that I might continue crying if I continue myself =') 

My eyes still hurt after crying for hours, as I no longer having strength in me.. All I had at the moment is fear , sadness and disappointment..  Hoping no failure that I had to deal anytime, trust me, I hate to see myself like this, being so sensitive with things around me and being so stressed out with things that I love (work).  I know why people always tell me that I always do good in whatever I do because I do it with all my heart, and it is true because I am very passionate in whatever I do.. Not because wanting to be better than the others, but I just love to learn more about life and having more experiences.. 

I hope whoever reading this is doing okay and it is okay to cry for hours or maybe you should write it down too because it might helps you a lot .. I am still trying my best to not to little myself and fear to days that are not even here..  PKP in Malaysia does increased anxiety and depressions to some people, please do not take these as a joke because everyone has their own limitations.

Stay strong and keep hoping for the best for our own future, stay positive as you can and again I would like to highlight that it is okay to cry, okay?  I will keep my title as what I did on 11 of July 2021 as I believed it deserve to be real and told.. Thank you for your time and I hope the best in everyone..

xx

Wawa