For You 

Hello and Good days to everyone ! Assalammuailaikum and welcome back to my Blog. I am very happy to see you are back in here! How are you guys doing ? I would like to tell that I am okay while writing this, so , I hope you do too.. Always remember that good days are coming sooner or later, they surely come even though they take times. 

I yakin that today going to be a longgggggg blog.. because so many words in me at this moment ! So , get ready guys ! :P I tak paksa tau.. you can stay or you can leave, it is up to you .. And again ! Thanks ! For being here..

Well today, I just feel like super blessed with everything? Do you ever felt that way ? Like , rasa syukur in every sudut.. 

We might born from different family, 

yet ,

Family are created the day we were born..

Some blessed with supportive family,

some still trying to understand them,

but,

There is always have hope in Family..

Family are like nothing else in this life,

They are just them, 

Family ..

Hard to understand ,

But those blood running thru in us, 

Proving how life are created..

Remember , 

Good days will come anytime,

And they are always here, 

When it is their time for changes..

Are you ready ?

For better changes ?

Just because they are not good at the first time,

Does that mean we need to continue? 

This is life, 

Full with changes, 

Fears are blocking good walls,

But, 

It is you,

It is us, 

Need to jump over it and,

Change for good..

Do not blame yourself when..

Things just not right,

People are not staying,

Things get harder and harder..

Also when,

Everything seem impossible..

But, 

Please,

Look in the bigger picture,

Where are you now?

How did you passed all those bad days?

Still breathing ?

Still following those flows?

Thanks to yourself,

For being strong,

For being smart,

Being able to start your day,

All those tears from yesterday,

None can be seen by anyone,

But ,

Who done that ?

Showing everyone how strong they are in person?

Knowing tears and deaths hopes are your closest friends?

You are..

You did that.. 

For years..

For days..

For who ?

For you..

And this life that I am talking about..

You..

You can change things..

But THEY need time,

THEY come at the perfect moment.. 

To make you understand,

Life are worth to fight for..

We live for our self,

But, 

That does not mean that..

They are nothing..

Your haters,

Your enemy,

Your downfalls,

Your sadness, your anger and many more..

Because of them,

Because of those feeling, 

You may understand now..

That they helped you to motivate yourself,

they are the reasons why those tears are dry..

they are the reasons why you are..

better than yesterday..

Someone told me before..

"Kalau awak dilahirkan tidak bijak seperti orang lain, adakah itu bermakna selamanya? Jika hari-hari awak berusaha untuk mengubah takdir awak.. Rasa rasa awak akan berjaya tidak ? Jika awak belajar lebih masa berbanding orang lain.. Jika awak perbaiki kesalahan awak ? Adakah awak masih seorang yang kurang bijak ? "

She continued with..

"Awak patut berbangga kerana awak sedar akan kelemahan awak, awak sedar akan kekurangan.. Tapi sayanglah, jika kesedaran itu hanya untuk dijadikan alasan.. Kerana ia tidak mampu mengubah apa-apa.." 

She is one of my ustazah, the only one who believed in me..

The only one who willing to understand,

And tell me that it is okay, 

It is okay to finally understand after second or third times..

It is okay not to be number one..

As long,

We are not taking those bad things..

As our reasons for not standing back up..

Things take times,

Healing,

Understanding,

Changes,

They need times to be better,

And we need to be part of it..

Not repeating the same mistakes,

The same pain..

The same toxic..

over and over again ..

This is For You...

Assalammaulaikum and hello hai there, thank you for clicking in here. For first timer, welcome to my humble blog, aka my world, my words, and my everything. On your right, you may choose my old talks as well. In here, you may jumpa or maybe kenal I little bit jugak, sebab I do share alot during my highschool. BUT PLEASE jangan stalk too far because, I never delete whatever I posted 😝

Harini, I would like to share with you guys about today. Today is my 12 years without my loving father with me. I sendiri tak tahu nak start dari mana and share macam mana.. As above mentioned, this is my words, and everything in here wrote with thousands of feelings from me.. I would like to say sorry kalau banyak typo or anything.. Kalau you are not interested, do leave my page :)

To be honest, I don't know where to begin when this kind of moment...A moment where everything come back crystal clear. The date, the feelings, the sadness... I don't know. Every year, I thought I can, I can live in this moment, like today as a normal day.. However I still can't.

I still being me, the same old me.. Ignoring my friends also everyone, who tried to comfort me..

..

 Thank you, for searching, calling, telling me how worthy am I in their life.. How beautiful life can be if we seek those beautiful life, because only we can change dark moment into something meaning full, with our will dan kerelaan atas sesuatu kehidupan...

12 beautiful years,

Those days past by,

All those wishes,

All those celebrations,

Every moment hoping you are here with us.

Knowing you are far,

But near to our hearts,

Hope you know too,

Our love never dies ..

I am still sad, and sometimes I can't even accept this moment too.. 

Truthfully ? I hated myself every second of it knowing nothing can changed but still hoping..

Hoping that he is still alive,

Hoping that he is proud of me,

Hoping that he can tell me,

Asking about my days,

Giving me advice about life..

Thanks to you dad, I learned that life is short and live my life with more love towards others.

But, I never know how to deal with this..

I am sorry for avoiding,

I am sorry for being away..

Personally I  don't know how to deal with this, because I'm not good at showing how in need am I..

Not everyone understand how tired am I having those words..

Doa banyak-banyak,

He is in a better place,

Kalau sayang sedekahkan Al-fatihah..

Can everyone just stop.. Giving those words.. They help nothing..

I wondered myself, am I moving on from this moment ? Because I never did, here am I telling you, my scars toward every 22/11 never healed.. And never will.. 

Because I lost my dad when I was 10..

He an amazing father that never will be replaced..

Also forever will be loved by us..

I just cannot tell anyone about today,

like , 

"Hey! Today is my Birthday"

and everyone started to wish and pray for the best .. 

But today cannot be unknown to me too..

Aren't that sad? I don't want anyone giving me speeches on moving on or remembering person that you love because for me they are just words.. 

Will they feels my lost ?

My pain ?

My sadness ?

For 12 years, I still can not overcome my feelings.. 

But I am lucky,

because I have strong hearted mother, 

loving siblings and friends.. 

It just ME.. 

I'm not good showing my emotions,

putting my words, 

showing my love too..

never good enough..

I am sorry..

It just today.. 

beautiful 12 years..

Okay ?? Manner ? Why ?

What do you think about manner ? Is it something nice to be practice or it just belong to some tiny little people ?? What I am trying to say is that, does manner belong to some " people " and the rest of it just does not belong to some people? Whereby we need to adapt with those kind of people who does not have manner?

Look, " manner " can come in many ways right ? From " Please " to " Thank You ".. 

And I think,both of the words are paling basic right ? Right ?Like  " Hey ! Can you PLEASE help me with this ?" even you tak rasa want to put hey sekali pun, the words will be " Please help me with this? " Still nice to read aren't they? 

Having a good communication toward friends , unknown, strangers even family can thanked to manner.Because even with basic communication skills also started with Manner.I am not lying, you may search yourself on that.

Is it hards to say " thank you or please" ? Like, even those words might be soooo heavy to come out from some of us...But, do we appreciate that kind of attitude for a long-term friendship ? Will you ? I am not being emotional or what.. It just, looking at people who does not want to practice " Can you ? ","Please?" or  ANYTHING just to make those words better in person ? Those sentence with please, can you, how are you and many more does make a huge changes in someone's life. For me, back to the square one (Manner). 

Manners do need to exist in everyone's life.Someone told me," that is who he is, we need to adapt with that kind of attitude because he knew about that, but still he did not want to practice those words. ". 

So here I am, with my thoughts regarding manner in life. Every words or actions do make tiny changes. If we cannot change people, we can be that person with good example towards others aren't we ? I may not good in certain things but I do remind myself how better day can be with good words to start with. 

I 100% disagreed in needing adapt with negative attitudes, because human can change aren't we? Well, end of the day you make your own decisions either stick with your bad habits or change a little by adding good words. 

Thank you for your time hanging out in my mind.